Holy Rage
Rage? or utter blasphemy?
Why am I taught shame before I am taught dignity? Why am I oversexualized? Why am I punished if I am not modest enough, when they are the ones who couldn’t resist? Even out of my religion, why am I always the object? If God created me this way, why am I punished for living my truth?
There is diversity in all their creations. The flora, the fauna, the mountains, the grasslands, the deserts, the seas, the seen and the unseen, and of course—“The most intelligent beings”— Humans, of different colors, of different tongues, so why? Why is there not also diversity in love?
A veil. To cover. Why does it matter? Why do I have to? It protects me from what? Another creation of God? Didn’t God give us all abilities? To eat, to drink, to smell, to hear, to touch, to RESTRAIN YOURSELF? Because I definitely can. I wasn’t born without lust. I most definitely have it, I might even be hypersexual, but I can control myself.
And worst of all. WHY is my doubt treated like rebellion? Why are my questions answered with “You are going to hell for this,” or “Why did you turn out like this”, or “You’ve become westernized,” or “You’re misguided,” or “You’ve lost your faith.”
“You’re dangerous.”
Why do I feel so small in this system?
If God made me a woman, why does everything feel like punishment?
I was never created to be hidden.
I was never made to carry the shame of men.
I was never meant to be spiritually less than.
I am Woman. And I was never made just to bleed and breed. I am not a womb with legs. I don’t have to do something extraordinary to prove that. I can simply exist. The only purpose of any of us is to worship and seek God, and some people do that best through love. Some through questions. Some through freedom. Some by walking away entirely, then coming back years later.
“The idea of a God who acts like a spoiled, jealous, power-hungry man-child? Who punishes you for being gay, or for having breasts, or for asking too many questions?
That’s not God. That’s patriarchy disguised in prayer beads.”
I believe in a higher being because I exist. My existence is enough to prove the presence of a higher being.
They made me curious. They gave me intellect. And I believe they allowed me to be born in this exact place and time for a reason.
But what I don’t believe is that God made another one of my own species superior and more intelligent. That sounds like a man, and I don’t believe that God is a man. A higher being cannot be a man. It most definitely cannot be someone who can’t even refrain from simply touching something beautiful to their eyes. That reminds me of a child. The idea of a God who resembles a spoiled, jealous, power-hungry man-child? Who punishes you for being gay, or for having breasts, or for asking too many questions?
That’s not God. That’s patriarchy disguised in prayer beads.
I am told that God created the possibility of all actions, but gave me the power to choose which path to walk, and that I will be held accountable for my choices. It would make sense to be held accountable if what I chose to do was to hate another, to harass another, to kill another.
So would a truly just God punish someone for choosing love? For choosing what they were created to desire, through no fault of their own? If the God being described to you sounds like a tyrant, maybe the description is wrong, not you.
I am not walking away from God, but away from the versions of religion that shrink my spirit and my worship to them, because I, for one, believe that God is most merciful and the most understanding of all.
After all, He is my creator.
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So beautiful baby, I'm seething with so much rage i can only understand your frustration. What a piece 💌